Breaking News: Dog Climbs Up Bamboo

Breaking news! Dog tries to climb up bamboo and nearly falls! Dog terrified.

Here you see a photo of the now terrified dog, about to jump for his life dangering fall. The story started when, Abby Anderson, a fourth grader in elementary school, was walking home from class. She says; “I found this puppy dangling by a bamboo leaf, then I was shrieking with fear when the dog fell, but caught himself while falling on the three hundred foot tall bamboo tree.” Young Abby may sound like a liar, but when the reporters came to the scene with a yard stick to measure, they discovered Abby was right. The bamboo tree was exactly three hundred feet tall, like Abby reported. She told her mother of the terrifying news and had her call the ambulance immediately. But the stubborn ambulance people refused and said; “We are absolutely  not helping this puppy, he is just going to fall, or you will have to help him yourself.” Abby and the crowd watching the huge and devastating story panicked, as time ran out for the poor puppy. Suddenly, the puppy began to whine softly, sounding completely terrified. Jack Smithson, one of the many of the panicking crowd, says; “We knew time was running out,and  there was nothing we could think of to do.” Slowly, the puppy started slipping. The crowd went silent. All they could do was to hope for a happy ending of the dramatic story. Everyone closed their eyes, then, they heard a soft thump sound. The crowd opened their eyes, to see the puppy safely cradled in young Abby’s arms. Abby the hero. Everyone cheered loudly. Even the people who didn’t see the dramatic story cheered. Abby named the pup “Tan-ish White-ish Man” for all the drama he’s been through. Then, when one person got close enough to see the pup’s face, she suddenly started yelling; “Stop! Stop! No!” The crowd fell silent. She continued; “That is my prize climbing puppy! I’m sorry little girl, but this dog is mine. Sweetie, can you hand him over to me, please?” Abby knew this was a threat and started beating the woman with a  stick. The woman yelled; “No! Stop!” But the girl knew she was a criminal, probably at a plot to steal puppies, forcibly teach them to climb, and only feed them sardines, which are very low in calcium. The brave girl then called the police yelling; “Help! There’s a crazy person trying to steal  Tan-ish White-ish man!” The police came immediately. The fourth grade girl then took her mom’s spare gasoline stash, poured it over the crazy woman’s house, then took a match and lit it all on fire. The crazy woman screamed as she was being taken away; “NO! My house! My collection! My bird is flying away!” The police knew she was obviously very crazy. Probably drinking poison in the middle of the night. The police did end up to find some kind of poison called “Claritin” Probably mass produced in the south. When it was all over, Abby’s mother renamed her daughter a new name, to publicize her awesomeness, “Dog and Town Savior Girl.”

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