Recent Story: Penguins Acting Strange, Pt Three

Pupso: Last time, we brought up the idea of sentient penguin spies, lurking around the world watching while people use the bathroom. It might sound kind of crazy, but it’s true, read the next paragraph for proof:

Pupsi: About two days ago, March 19th, the government decides they should get down to the situation and really find proof that the penguins are sentient, remember, the government was first against “getting the penguins before they get us”. They send out spies to spy on the penguins, just like how some say the penguins are spying on us. They use high-tech gear, like ***** ****, and **** ********, also another weapon called a ****** ***. The rest is classified information. They plan to hunt the penguins then trap them with a net gun, but if anything goes wrong, they can always use the **** ********. They are still on the hunt today, searching day and night, with only twenty breaks an hour. And worse, all they get to eat is filet mignon, French twists and croissants, and Swiss wine! Terrible conditions!  The government offers to let the spies come back and rest but they say that they are fine staying out on the case! How can they be fine with these terrible things being done to them? And even more terrible! They have to sleep on golden canopy beds! Canopy beds! Can you believe it? Terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible!

Pupso: OK, I’m going to take it from here, Pupsi is getting kind of off track, I think I will continue for her (She wouldn’t let me erase what she wrote though, because she used to be too young to write but now she’s old enough and it is her first, article well, paragraph).

So anyway, back to the spies: The spies are now searching everywhere, some from the USA (Underground Secret Association), some from Swissconsin , some even from Couchland, Home of the Couch Potatoes! (And of course the spies from Couchland are not very energetic, they were left at the dining hall (where the spies eat their cuisine meals) on the first day of spying, they fell asleep there and were not much of a help to the team.) The spies continue searching, and now decide it’s best to split up and return to their home countries to search there for the penguins. It’s very strange because a few days ago, the penguins were everywhere, running around wild, in the streets of cities, but now they are very elusive, as if the species never existed… almost like… they’ve been watching us. Like they know we are hunting them. Like they spied on us before and got a head start and know the government’s plans!

Meanwhile, the scientists have been taking portions of the one captured penguin’s DNA over and over again, until the penguin is weak and looks like a walking saggy bag of mush. They decide it is too risky to take more portions of DNA to dump into the toilet for no reason and though they really want to take another DNA portion, they remember they need the penguin alive. They call the government to try to make a deal. While talking over the phone with a government agent, one of the scientists says, “Yes. I know. But we need to keep this penguin alive. If you could just provide us with a small dose of blood from the penguin you will catch, or at least tell us where you find the penguins or most traces of the penguins, we could just manage to keep this penguin alive. It’d be so easy for you, with so little cost, we will pay shipping and handling.” The government agent, John Jackson, replies, “Yes. True, true. We could help you. It would not be very hard for us, but why am I wasting time talking to you? This isn’t even going to get us the smallest of profits. Just some manual labor we could use for ourselves.” The scientist, with the last name Johnson, thinks. What can I argue? He then says, “I say, If you help us, you will help us with research to make that machine you wanted, to talk and reason with the penguins. If you give us that penguin blood sample, that will be your own profit. Wasn’t it the government’s idea to reason reason with the penguins? Hmm?” The government agent replies, “You are right once again! I will go, umm, yes, tell my boss! Yes! He will surely agree with your, umm, deal…” The scientist is surprised, “Why do you suddenly agree? I thought we were arguing a minute ago!” The government agent asks, “Isn’t it better to have peace? I was thinking while we were talking. Let’s go with your deal and have arguing no more. We could meet each other, be friends.” The scientist is suspicious, but agrees, “True, peace is nice. But how can I trust you? You suddenly acted suspicious, I don’t know what to say.” The government agent laughs, “Me? A government agent? Acting suspicious? Sir, I work for the government. You can definitely count on me.” He chuckles a hearty laugh…

Come back next time for more on “Recent Story: Penguins Acting Strange”

Recent Story: Penguins Acting Strange, Pt Two

This is part two of “Recent Story: Penguins Acting Strange”, To see part one, click here.

We decided we would like to finish the “Recent Story: Penguins Acting Strange series before we leave for some time. So here is part two! Part three will come too, before we leave. (We may even reconsider leaving for a while to finish this story and even get a new one!)

We now continue about the peculiar story of penguins around the world going mad. Scientists have been working on a device that may help human beings to communicate with animals, specifically, penguins. Scientists think that if penguins are smart enough to go mad and team up with each other against us, they could build machines to use against us and start a war with us! Who knows, they may even be more advanced than humans! They could build atomic bombs!

When scientists create the machine that will allow us to communicate with penguins, they will see how smart the penguins are, by brain waves and listening how large of a vocabulary they have. Think of it, soon, people may speak to penguins! We may make some citizens of cities if they are smart enough! Maybe one could even become Mayor! Maybe some Governor of whole states! Maybe some could work with the president! Maybe one could be the president!!!!

But not everyone is so happy with this news that penguins are now smart enough to form teams. They are afraid that penguins could become dictators and take over third-world countries. They are afraid penguins will go on a hunt to destroy all mankind or use humans as slaves! THEY ARE AFRAID OF PENGUINS EATING PEOPLE’S BRAINS!!!

But scientist reassure them, while being filmed to show the world, “If what you say happens, even though there is a slight chance it will, we will exterminate, destroy, even extinct if we have to, all penguins on earth!

But now the government is mad, “Scientists cannot destroy the cute and cuddly creatures we call penguins! Even if they are on a rampage, they are still endangered! Besides, tell us how you will, scientists! There is at least two-million penguins on earth and how do they think they have enough power to destroy them all, especially if they are on a rampage! And if the penguins are evil, we must reason with them and bring out their good side! We can bring them peace offerings of fish and other delectable penguin treats!”

But as the two are arguing in the scientist’s lab, a penguin is in the room. The scientist pauses and takes a look at the penguin, the penguin watches intently at the two men. The government agent joins in with the “humans-vs.-penguins stare-down”.

“Do the penguins know?”, “Are they listening?”, Families ask in their houses while watching the news.

Maybe there are penguin spies in your very own house! Watching what you are doing! Watching while you use the bathroom! Watching while I, Pupso, type this very newsletter!

Come back next time for more on “Recent Story: Penguins Acting Strange”

Recent Story: Penguins Acting Strange, Pt One

This is part one of “Recent Story: Penguins Acting Strange”, to see part two, click here.

Recently, penguins around the world have been acting strange. Several emperor penguins have been going on rampages, attacking scientists. “Little penguins”, a type of small penguin, are going around in groups, swarms, jumping on random citizens, pecking and biting. Scientists managed to trap one in a cage and are examining it. They find that there is no difference between the DNA of the crazy penguin and a sample from penguins before the crazy ones. They are stumped. Why are these penguins attacking? What are they angry about?

Scientists around the world are researching penguins from around the world. All of the penguins have gone on rampage and all of them are very angry. Scientists have a theory: Sometimes when scientists go out to Antarctica, they run out of food and are stranded on the icy continent. Penguins are the most plump and easiest thing to catch in the frozen desert. The scientists eat the penguins to survive. After all, it’s the only food source they have.

But if only we could prove the scientist’s theory. Then we would know for sure. But how? We can’t just ask a penguin! Or can we? That’s right, scientists are going to build a machine to read the mind waves of penguins, then change them into sound! Genius! But are penguins smart enough? Past tests of scientists have proven that penguins are not smart enough to talk if they had the vocal ability. But maybe these rampaging penguins are. After all, they have been joining together and attacking people. Maybe they have evolved since the past tests. Maybe they are as smart as a human being! They may even be able to build machines if they are that smart! But if they can, they could build machines to use against us! They could start a war, the war, the Great Penguin War!

Was it something they ate? Was it evolution? Come back next time for more on “Recent Story: Penguins Acting Strange”

Recent Story: Snake Lady Tries to Eat Bird, Pt Four

This is the continued story of “Recent Story: Snake Lady Tries to Eat Bird Pt, One”,  Pt Two and Pt ThreeClick Here to see Pt One. Click Here to see Pt Two. Click here to see Pt Three.

Recently, our real policemen have gotten to work, trying to find the rest of the gang of imposter policemen. Why do we say rest of the gang? Because the real policemen have caught one criminal of the gang already, Bartholomew Baker. We have gotten some information from him, but only personal information. We want to know more about the gang! What is their next plot and what are their plans for it? Who will be their next victim and one thing has stumped us for ages. What is the gang’s name? We want to know about their leader, about their plots and everything about them. We want to know if they are crazy or just tricky, evil or just secretly nice? Stinky or smelly? What are they and what will they be?!

Our policemen have been searching around for clues of the criminals, the gang of imposter policemen. The policemen interrogate many people including twenty old ladies. Then, while they interrogate the twentieth old lady, they see a crystal on her necklace. They are about to leave, but then they think, where does this old lady get such a beautiful necklace? Stealing, perhaps?! They run back to her and the strongest of the team picks her up, hangs her upside down and starts shaking her while asking; “Huh? Is this what you want, old lady? Huh?! Tell us, where did ya get that crystal?!” She replies, faking she doesn’t know what’s going on; “Oh my! What are you talking about?” In a frail voice. She’s faking it. She’s just a thief in disguise. We don’t even know it’s a she. Another policeman replies to the old, old, old, old lady; “Oh yeah? Listen to her, she’s pretending she doesn’t know what’s going on! Ha!” Another adds; “We know that you know that you’re a thief! That crystal on your necklace, a stolen gem!” She replies, stuttering like she didn’t steal the necklace; “Oh! This necklace? It’s a present from my husband. It’s only cheap plastic, though.”  Another policeman joins in; “Yeah right! We know you stole it and it’s real and we know you don’t have a husband. Your probably the husband yourself! Now let’s take off that phony disguise!” “Yeah! Yeah”, Many of the policemen yell. Then the old lady says as she points to a group of people, running; “Hey, isn’t that the gang of criminals you were looking for?” They police turn around and see the criminals, their whole gang with them! One policeman shouts back to the old lady; “We’ll deal with you later!” “Oh my!” The old lady says right before she faints.

The police are on the move and they are running after the criminals. Many criminals shout back taunts to the policemen; “Hey! Speed up your big fat engine, slow pokes! Ha ha!” the policemen ignore them. But then, the criminals are trapped. They are standing with one side of them facing toward a cliff dropping to the ocean, and the policemen on the other side. But then, they see an exit, they split up and some of them run to the left and some to the right,  where the policemen forgot to block! But then, the criminals slip and all fall down to the ocean. The policemen call in a rescue team and they bring back all the criminals to base. The chief of police calls for the leader of the criminals, so the other policemen call out at the criminals, asking each one “Are you the leader of your gang?” All of them answer “No”, besides the one in the last cell. They ask him and he answers “Yep diddity doo!”. They bring him to a dark room they call “The Interrogation Room”. They ask him; “Why did you do crimes?” He refuses to answer, so they are forced to take him to court.

The judge asks the criminal gang’s leader; “What is your argument?” After the policemen said their story. The criminal answers; “The policemen are imposters, they are fakies! Take them away!” The judge asks the policemen; “Is this true?” “No!” They reply, “It’s all a lie!” The judge says to himself quietly; “I’m not sure I can believe that.” then he yells; “Take them away! Into their new cells!” The security guards ask; “Who? Who should we take ‘way, boss?” “The criminals!” He answers. “Which criminals, boss?” The judge sighs; “The former policemen!” “Oh, ok… Boss.” The policemen yell as they are taken away; “No! They are lying! Why would you believe criminals?” The security guards answer; “Because we saw you beat up that old lady.” Yes, but that was a gem thief! Don’t you know?” “Gem thief, you say?” the judge asks. “Yes! Gem thief’in!” The judge continues; “Let them go, they are innocent.” Then, one of the real criminals yells; “We are innocent too, we just remember! Let Bert tell you the whole story.” Bert (one of the people from the gang) starts; “It was all on October twenty-two, the day of the incident—“ Someone interrupts; “Wow! Nice British accent!” Bert continues; “Thank you, ol’ chap. Anyway, the day of the incident, we were all in our lodge, well you see, the people you call the gang of criminals are all really brothers. So we were all in our lodge, sleeping, and suddenly, aliens broke into our house, but we didn’t know it yet. They jumped in, then when they made the sound of their battle cry, we all awoke. But the aliens were too quick. They jumped onto our beds and sucked our brains out. The only reason I remember what happened is because I have a very large brain, they couldn’t finish it all in one sitting. After the aliens ate our brains, they vomited them up, then put microchips in the mush. They then inserted our brains back into us and could mind control us. But we are not being mind controlled now.” The judge yelled out; “Oh yeah?! How do we know you aren’t?” “Because we told you, silly ol’ chap!” Bert replied. “And how can I believe you?” Asked the judge. “Because you do! We know that!” replied Bert. “Oh, yeah.” Said the judge. Then the judge called out; “All in this court room are innocent, besides those other guys, the bank robbers, but they’re locked up. So anyway, these guys, not the bank robbers are innocent, not guilty!” The crowd cheered. But still, the mysterious past of the snake lady is unknown, and we still don’t know where it is lurking now…

The End

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Recent Story: Snake Lady Tries to Eat Bird, Pt Three

This is the continued story of “Recent Story: Snake Lady Tries to Eat Bird Pt, One” and Pt Two. Click Here to see Pt One. Click Here to see Pt Two.

Now, policemen are searching for clues of the imposter police. They have been searching for weeks now and found nothing. Then, one day, while the policemen are on lunch break, they see a criminal robbing a bank! They run to the scene, armed and ready. They grab the criminal by the back and say; “Hello, have you seen some policemen running around town, besides us, one has sort of a short beard an—“ The policeman stopped, they saw them, running, right there! They jumped into their car and started the chase. The policemen were about to grab the criminals, but then the criminals crawled into the sewers, where the car could not go. One of the criminals, while closing the manhole, said; “See ya in sewa’ land!”, chuckling.

Soon after, the police sent  a team of experts to catch the criminals. They wore protective gloves and suits to keep out  the sludge and waste in the sewer. The team of experts started their journey into the disgusting sewers. They opened up the manhole that the criminals had went down and started climbing down the ladder. Once they got down, they tried to stay out of the sludge, but it was covering the whole place. Although they were not exactly allowed by the police because “It was too dangerous”, cameramen and reporters went down to see the place themselves. Then, the police suddenly heard yelling and laughter. It was the criminals, having a birthday party. But for who?

The experts watched them (the criminals) from around a corner, wondering what they were doing and who was the “Birthday person”. The experts were only experts at exploring sewers and knowing which way is safe to go through the tunnels of the sewer, so they could not confront the criminals and arrest them. rather, they drew a map on which way to go to get to the hideout of the criminals and gave it to the police once the experts got back up from the sewers. The police got on their gear, weapons, flashlights, special suits and masks, then went on their way to the dirty, dark, and stinky abyss of the world: The sewers. They followed the map, every step of the way, all looking into the paper which would lead them. Then, from up above, some sewer sludge fell on top of a policeman’s hat. They looked up, and saw a criminal climbing on the ceiling! The sewer sludge that fell must have fell off the criminals boot. The policeman shone his flashlight up. It was an ambush! The criminals jumped down with a piercing battle cry screech. Some came down on ropes, some jumped into the sewer “river” then came out, covered in disgusting sludge. They started biting the police with their dirty, neglected teeth. The police decided they were too strong, even though the police had guns, the criminals teeth pierced and hurt the police too much.

The police managed to handcuff one of the criminals, but were driven out by the bites of the other criminals. The police ran out of the sewer system and reported back to base with the captured criminal. The criminal that was captured will be interrogated, then thrown into jail. The court has already been held, the police can do whatever they want with the captured criminal. The major interrogation has not been held yet, but the police managed to get this out of the criminal: He is a male. He likes ice cream. His name is – according to him –  Bartholomew Baker. He is also a gem trader and has gotten very rich with his working.

Come read more next time, for the continued story of “Recent Story: Snake Lady Tries to Eat Bird…

Recent Story: Snake Lady Tries to Eat Bird, Pt Two

This is the continued story of “Recent Story: Snake Lady Tries to Eat Bird Part One”. If you have not read part one of this story, click here to do so now.

Now that Jack Wilson, the poor man in part one of this story, is arrested, there have been angry mobs lurking around the city, waiting to jump out on the unjust policemen who put Jack in prison. The city has gone crazy, and now no one can trust each other. People are in rage for the arrest of Jack, family or not, and are constantly accusing each other of being undercover policeman. Now, nobody can just go to the market without them being jumped on or their car being assaulted by random people. If someone decides to go on a short walk, they will be jumped on and attacked with sticks. Some policeman (not the ones that arrested Jack) are going out into town to stop these terrible attacks. One sees somebody attacking another civilian and rushes to the scene. The policeman tries to pull apart the fight, but cannot do it alone. He calls for backup. More police soon come and try to pull the people apart but are bitten by the crazy man. This person seemed to not have a stick, but instead used his teeth to attack others. Chaos fills the city.

Then suddenly, out of nowhere, the snake lady reappears again. Herds of angry mobs rush there, stampeding over the police, before the police can process what’s going on. They all start biting the snake lady and once it is hurt, some police run out of nowhere and pull apart the angry mob. The mob recognizes these police. These are the ones who arrested Jack! They start fighting back in a rage. The police that arrested jack then pay each person in the mob $200! Where do they get all this money? But, the mobsters do not accept and one says; “In change er its nothin’ to us. And make sure them are shiny change too!” The evil police then take out their wallets and spill out mounds of change onto the street! Where do they get it all? The mobsters then take straws and suck up the change into their mouths. One of them announces; “Mmmm. That’s some good, shiny moneys”. The police report back to base and discuss the case with their boss. One of them, probably the boss, says; “Find those “Policemen”, and bring em’ to me…”

Come read more next time, for the continued story of “Recent Story: Snake Lady Tries to Eat Bird…

Breaking News: New Criminal On the Loose, Pt Two

This is part two of the story “Breaking News: New Criminal On the Loose, Pt One. If you haven’t read Pt One, click here to do so now.

After proving that James was a criminal, Jack Michaelson, the undercover agent, came with a warrant to James’ house and arrested him immediately. Of course, there was no court case, because Jack was so trusted, and also because anybody could see James is a terrible criminal. The court to get a warrant, held by Jack, had a very trustworthy judge. You can obviously see that the judge is very smart, because he approved of Jack going into James house and arresting him. But wouldn’t anyone approve of the arrest? Shockingly, no. There was actually a mob of people, including James’ wife, trying to prove the criminal innocent. They were soon stopped and all arrested, by Jack and his team of police. The police had long since gone and rescued the puppies from the torture rack that James hung them on. The puppies were never seen on the rack, because when the police arrived to help them, they were already free, with a mother dog. The gallant mother dog must have heard her puppies cries and helped them. Eight puppies in all, still healthy and clean, were with their mother, sleeping tightly.  Since none of the puppies were seen on the rack, or seen being put on the rack, we had a policeman draw a picture of what it might have looked like. Here it is.

puppies-hanging

Here you can see the puppies, terrified, in the picture Michael Quick, a policeman, drew to show what it might have looked like when the puppies were hanging on a clothes rack as torture by James Fredrickson.

Soon, the puppies got a new owner. Mikey Michaelson, a trustworthy five-year-old boy, son of the policeman Jack Michaelson. The puppies are three girls and five boy pups, named Pupsi, Tu Tu, Flimsy, Giant, Clumso, Picky, Nu Nu, and See. The mother of the eight puppies was named Attack Dog, for her protective and alert behavior for her puppies. After all, the puppies found a nice home and stayed with their mother.