Recent Story: Penguins Acting Strange, Pt Three

Pupso: Last time, we brought up the idea of sentient penguin spies, lurking around the world watching while people use the bathroom. It might sound kind of crazy, but it’s true, read the next paragraph for proof:

Pupsi: About two days ago, March 19th, the government decides they should get down to the situation and really find proof that the penguins are sentient, remember, the government was first against “getting the penguins before they get us”. They send out spies to spy on the penguins, just like how some say the penguins are spying on us. They use high-tech gear, like ***** ****, and **** ********, also another weapon called a ****** ***. The rest is classified information. They plan to hunt the penguins then trap them with a net gun, but if anything goes wrong, they can always use the **** ********. They are still on the hunt today, searching day and night, with only twenty breaks an hour. And worse, all they get to eat is filet mignon, French twists and croissants, and Swiss wine! Terrible conditions!  The government offers to let the spies come back and rest but they say that they are fine staying out on the case! How can they be fine with these terrible things being done to them? And even more terrible! They have to sleep on golden canopy beds! Canopy beds! Can you believe it? Terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible!

Pupso: OK, I’m going to take it from here, Pupsi is getting kind of off track, I think I will continue for her (She wouldn’t let me erase what she wrote though, because she used to be too young to write but now she’s old enough and it is her first, article well, paragraph).

So anyway, back to the spies: The spies are now searching everywhere, some from the USA (Underground Secret Association), some from Swissconsin , some even from Couchland, Home of the Couch Potatoes! (And of course the spies from Couchland are not very energetic, they were left at the dining hall (where the spies eat their cuisine meals) on the first day of spying, they fell asleep there and were not much of a help to the team.) The spies continue searching, and now decide it’s best to split up and return to their home countries to search there for the penguins. It’s very strange because a few days ago, the penguins were everywhere, running around wild, in the streets of cities, but now they are very elusive, as if the species never existed… almost like… they’ve been watching us. Like they know we are hunting them. Like they spied on us before and got a head start and know the government’s plans!

Meanwhile, the scientists have been taking portions of the one captured penguin’s DNA over and over again, until the penguin is weak and looks like a walking saggy bag of mush. They decide it is too risky to take more portions of DNA to dump into the toilet for no reason and though they really want to take another DNA portion, they remember they need the penguin alive. They call the government to try to make a deal. While talking over the phone with a government agent, one of the scientists says, “Yes. I know. But we need to keep this penguin alive. If you could just provide us with a small dose of blood from the penguin you will catch, or at least tell us where you find the penguins or most traces of the penguins, we could just manage to keep this penguin alive. It’d be so easy for you, with so little cost, we will pay shipping and handling.” The government agent, John Jackson, replies, “Yes. True, true. We could help you. It would not be very hard for us, but why am I wasting time talking to you? This isn’t even going to get us the smallest of profits. Just some manual labor we could use for ourselves.” The scientist, with the last name Johnson, thinks. What can I argue? He then says, “I say, If you help us, you will help us with research to make that machine you wanted, to talk and reason with the penguins. If you give us that penguin blood sample, that will be your own profit. Wasn’t it the government’s idea to reason reason with the penguins? Hmm?” The government agent replies, “You are right once again! I will go, umm, yes, tell my boss! Yes! He will surely agree with your, umm, deal…” The scientist is surprised, “Why do you suddenly agree? I thought we were arguing a minute ago!” The government agent asks, “Isn’t it better to have peace? I was thinking while we were talking. Let’s go with your deal and have arguing no more. We could meet each other, be friends.” The scientist is suspicious, but agrees, “True, peace is nice. But how can I trust you? You suddenly acted suspicious, I don’t know what to say.” The government agent laughs, “Me? A government agent? Acting suspicious? Sir, I work for the government. You can definitely count on me.” He chuckles a hearty laugh…

Come back next time for more on “Recent Story: Penguins Acting Strange”

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Recent Story: Penguins Acting Strange, Pt Two

This is part two of “Recent Story: Penguins Acting Strange”, To see part one, click here.

We decided we would like to finish the “Recent Story: Penguins Acting Strange series before we leave for some time. So here is part two! Part three will come too, before we leave. (We may even reconsider leaving for a while to finish this story and even get a new one!)

We now continue about the peculiar story of penguins around the world going mad. Scientists have been working on a device that may help human beings to communicate with animals, specifically, penguins. Scientists think that if penguins are smart enough to go mad and team up with each other against us, they could build machines to use against us and start a war with us! Who knows, they may even be more advanced than humans! They could build atomic bombs!

When scientists create the machine that will allow us to communicate with penguins, they will see how smart the penguins are, by brain waves and listening how large of a vocabulary they have. Think of it, soon, people may speak to penguins! We may make some citizens of cities if they are smart enough! Maybe one could even become Mayor! Maybe some Governor of whole states! Maybe some could work with the president! Maybe one could be the president!!!!

But not everyone is so happy with this news that penguins are now smart enough to form teams. They are afraid that penguins could become dictators and take over third-world countries. They are afraid penguins will go on a hunt to destroy all mankind or use humans as slaves! THEY ARE AFRAID OF PENGUINS EATING PEOPLE’S BRAINS!!!

But scientist reassure them, while being filmed to show the world, “If what you say happens, even though there is a slight chance it will, we will exterminate, destroy, even extinct if we have to, all penguins on earth!

But now the government is mad, “Scientists cannot destroy the cute and cuddly creatures we call penguins! Even if they are on a rampage, they are still endangered! Besides, tell us how you will, scientists! There is at least two-million penguins on earth and how do they think they have enough power to destroy them all, especially if they are on a rampage! And if the penguins are evil, we must reason with them and bring out their good side! We can bring them peace offerings of fish and other delectable penguin treats!”

But as the two are arguing in the scientist’s lab, a penguin is in the room. The scientist pauses and takes a look at the penguin, the penguin watches intently at the two men. The government agent joins in with the “humans-vs.-penguins stare-down”.

“Do the penguins know?”, “Are they listening?”, Families ask in their houses while watching the news.

Maybe there are penguin spies in your very own house! Watching what you are doing! Watching while you use the bathroom! Watching while I, Pupso, type this very newsletter!

Come back next time for more on “Recent Story: Penguins Acting Strange”

Recent Story: Penguins Acting Strange, Pt One

This is part one of “Recent Story: Penguins Acting Strange”, to see part two, click here.

Recently, penguins around the world have been acting strange. Several emperor penguins have been going on rampages, attacking scientists. “Little penguins”, a type of small penguin, are going around in groups, swarms, jumping on random citizens, pecking and biting. Scientists managed to trap one in a cage and are examining it. They find that there is no difference between the DNA of the crazy penguin and a sample from penguins before the crazy ones. They are stumped. Why are these penguins attacking? What are they angry about?

Scientists around the world are researching penguins from around the world. All of the penguins have gone on rampage and all of them are very angry. Scientists have a theory: Sometimes when scientists go out to Antarctica, they run out of food and are stranded on the icy continent. Penguins are the most plump and easiest thing to catch in the frozen desert. The scientists eat the penguins to survive. After all, it’s the only food source they have.

But if only we could prove the scientist’s theory. Then we would know for sure. But how? We can’t just ask a penguin! Or can we? That’s right, scientists are going to build a machine to read the mind waves of penguins, then change them into sound! Genius! But are penguins smart enough? Past tests of scientists have proven that penguins are not smart enough to talk if they had the vocal ability. But maybe these rampaging penguins are. After all, they have been joining together and attacking people. Maybe they have evolved since the past tests. Maybe they are as smart as a human being! They may even be able to build machines if they are that smart! But if they can, they could build machines to use against us! They could start a war, the war, the Great Penguin War!

Was it something they ate? Was it evolution? Come back next time for more on “Recent Story: Penguins Acting Strange”