Pupso: Last time, we brought up the idea of sentient penguin spies, lurking around the world watching while people use the bathroom. It might sound kind of crazy, but it’s true, read the next paragraph for proof:
Pupsi: About two days ago, March 19th, the government decides they should get down to the situation and really find proof that the penguins are sentient, remember, the government was first against “getting the penguins before they get us”. They send out spies to spy on the penguins, just like how some say the penguins are spying on us. They use high-tech gear, like ***** ****, and **** ********, also another weapon called a ****** ***. The rest is classified information. They plan to hunt the penguins then trap them with a net gun, but if anything goes wrong, they can always use the **** ********. They are still on the hunt today, searching day and night, with only twenty breaks an hour. And worse, all they get to eat is filet mignon, French twists and croissants, and Swiss wine! Terrible conditions! The government offers to let the spies come back and rest but they say that they are fine staying out on the case! How can they be fine with these terrible things being done to them? And even more terrible! They have to sleep on golden canopy beds! Canopy beds! Can you believe it? Terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible!
Pupso: OK, I’m going to take it from here, Pupsi is getting kind of off track, I think I will continue for her (She wouldn’t let me erase what she wrote though, because she used to be too young to write but now she’s old enough and it is her first, article well, paragraph).
So anyway, back to the spies: The spies are now searching everywhere, some from the USA (Underground Secret Association), some from Swissconsin , some even from Couchland, Home of the Couch Potatoes! (And of course the spies from Couchland are not very energetic, they were left at the dining hall (where the spies eat their cuisine meals) on the first day of spying, they fell asleep there and were not much of a help to the team.) The spies continue searching, and now decide it’s best to split up and return to their home countries to search there for the penguins. It’s very strange because a few days ago, the penguins were everywhere, running around wild, in the streets of cities, but now they are very elusive, as if the species never existed… almost like… they’ve been watching us. Like they know we are hunting them. Like they spied on us before and got a head start and know the government’s plans!
Meanwhile, the scientists have been taking portions of the one captured penguin’s DNA over and over again, until the penguin is weak and looks like a walking saggy bag of mush. They decide it is too risky to take more portions of DNA to dump into the toilet for no reason and though they really want to take another DNA portion, they remember they need the penguin alive. They call the government to try to make a deal. While talking over the phone with a government agent, one of the scientists says, “Yes. I know. But we need to keep this penguin alive. If you could just provide us with a small dose of blood from the penguin you will catch, or at least tell us where you find the penguins or most traces of the penguins, we could just manage to keep this penguin alive. It’d be so easy for you, with so little cost, we will pay shipping and handling.” The government agent, John Jackson, replies, “Yes. True, true. We could help you. It would not be very hard for us, but why am I wasting time talking to you? This isn’t even going to get us the smallest of profits. Just some manual labor we could use for ourselves.” The scientist, with the last name Johnson, thinks. What can I argue? He then says, “I say, If you help us, you will help us with research to make that machine you wanted, to talk and reason with the penguins. If you give us that penguin blood sample, that will be your own profit. Wasn’t it the government’s idea to reason reason with the penguins? Hmm?” The government agent replies, “You are right once again! I will go, umm, yes, tell my boss! Yes! He will surely agree with your, umm, deal…” The scientist is surprised, “Why do you suddenly agree? I thought we were arguing a minute ago!” The government agent asks, “Isn’t it better to have peace? I was thinking while we were talking. Let’s go with your deal and have arguing no more. We could meet each other, be friends.” The scientist is suspicious, but agrees, “True, peace is nice. But how can I trust you? You suddenly acted suspicious, I don’t know what to say.” The government agent laughs, “Me? A government agent? Acting suspicious? Sir, I work for the government. You can definitely count on me.” He chuckles a hearty laugh…
Come back next time for more on “Recent Story: Penguins Acting Strange”